How Impatient Am I?

Things like...

• SARS to come back to me with tax clearance

• My business registration debacle to be resolved

• The fruits of my better eating and exercise regime to show

• Book sales to pick up

• The exchange rate to improve

• Suppliers to get back to me

• My Lastminute.com refund

• Clarity on where and how to publish my next book

• Onedrive synching issues to be in the rear view mirror

• My LinkedIn profile to reach critical mass

• Joe - our beloved collie - to "get" his new training regime

• Pension investments to grow

• Washing to dry naturally

• Actually "loving" gym to kick in

• To forgive and finally let go past hurts

• Completion of official personal paperwork on two continents into my married name

• My new normal to become comfy and familiar

And yes, I'll say it for you, they are all small in the grand scheme of things....and all part of a genuinely privileged life by most standards. But nonetheless, I remain amazed - no actually ratchet that up to astonished - at how wearing, grinding and gently but definitely uphill small, ordinary stuff day after day can be? Like the proverbial cup of water that weighs nothing to carry for the first 10 or 20kms but picks up heaviness as the kms tick by, "nits" contended with over time, start to look and feel alarmingly like "dragons".

So what to do to stop sweating the small stuff while still having to trawl and treacle through it?

I've found that sitting alongside someone else with bigger problems than me - like a shock cancer diagnosis, a marriage breakdown or the death of their child....real life dragons - right-sizes mine. Compassion genuinely gifted to others has the unique ability to achieve this in ways well-meaning advice doesn't. It somehow diminishes but doesn't negate my stuff which my bullshitometer won't permit.

In fact, nothing is more annoying than when I'm mired in "nits", and receptive ears turn into advising mouths telling me what. While experience can be useful, there are rules. Only if I asked for it and after you've acknowleged that if it was that simple, I'd have done it by now. Rather empathize with my fears and frustrations by asking good questions and above all stifle the urge to have to solve or right-size for me. I get that its tempting for just about everyone on the outside who can often "see" things more clearly - I'm a shrink after all - but I need to get there myself.

That said, if I actually can't wait well and have to, help helps....but only if it's the right help. Things and those who can inform impasse, allay fear, help kick the can down the road well, distract in the waiting and encourage are NOT nothing.

And I need to beware that what I dwell on grows. Because "nits" take personal bandwidth, problem solving time, mental headspace and grinding effort to deal with, they can so easily assume a position of mental monopoly they shouldn't. I need to actively balance them with focusing - out loud - on things like the run I had this morning, a glorious day, health, my intact faculties, things to look forward to, loved ones and family, my home, purposeful work, "enough"....

And if my "nits" continue to rule unacceptably and waiting well eludes me, making a list helps. It can relax my brain AND allow me to cross off stuff when done - uber satisfying. Going just those few steps further, however, to use said list to take stock and celebrate how far I've actually come yesterday, this last week and last year, underlines milestones for my weary legs and droopy heart in surpisingly reviving ways. Not least of all, it allows those around me who deserve it - and you know who you are - to enjoy some needed basking-time in credit.