50 shades of grey might just be a great way to describe reality. And no...I'm not being a glass-half-empty naysayer or Eeyore when I say that.
Think about it. While it would be lovely to approach life with strictly demarcated black and white social attitudes, interpersonal assumptions, community rules, work instructions, linear consequences, fail-safe to-dos that always deliver, life hacks that get us there in a straight line that everyone just sticks to...our reality is just more messy than that.
Cultural differences, moods, age gaps and language are enough to cause ripples of misunderstanding and difference...and that's before adding in prejudice, unseen hurts, quirks, personality, triggers and old grudges!! And of course there's time and money pressures as well as considering how others may respond and curtailing ourselves accordingly which will up the ante. And them please don't forget my old favorite - the media...social, the big screen, books and otherwise - which create additional and dangerous comparisonistis pressure.
Together these ALL help reinforce that things can and ought to be less messy, more conclusive, more rule-bound and clearer than they actually turn out to be. And they help create an experiential gap that it's just not so black and white after all.
Let's face it, there's multiple ways to deal with an ailing relationship for example or how to understand what motivated a seemingly selfish interpersonal act that fly in the face of best-practice. Even competent communication can be vulnerable to "them" not understanding it as "we" intended it. Considering the motivation behind wrongs does blur black and white judgement of them making fair a tricky commodity. Change is never as simple as everyone and everything promise. Success in reality is complicated, elusive, hard work and not all that it's cut up to be. Great friendships crack and crap relationships endure with no clear rhyme or reason. And life - in all it's shapes, forms and stages - often differs in reality to how it's advertised.
To navigate better, in my experience is to allow...no to invite a bit more "grey". Not dull, hopeless, pitiful, depressed or resigned "grey" mind you....just something somewhere more midway between our hard and fast blacks and whites. A slightly more creative, out-of-the-lines, accommodating "grey" that narrows the gap. That serves as oil to us finding solid middle ground, forging, unintended offence, collaborating effectively with others who differ from us, changing well, persevering to get on the same page and connecting in spite of.
